Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
