new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize