just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
You can't special order awesome
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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