I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
