SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
