12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
