we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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