So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
