she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
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Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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