I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
