He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
