can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
