Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Randomize
