yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
