It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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