I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
