have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
