And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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