Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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