I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize