i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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