She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
