you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
