You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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