i just sent this text using only my big toe
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
