grandma shit on top of the toilet
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Can you bring me the toilet please
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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