I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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