she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Randomize
