He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I need to align my fucking chakras
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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