Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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