there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
