i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
