Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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