she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
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