i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just pee around me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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