I never want to see another naked old woman again.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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