Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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