i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
