Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
