I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
