I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
