At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
