the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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