Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize