i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
