My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
