He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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