I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
