Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
