I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Randomize
