I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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