You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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