p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
