Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just had sex on a roof
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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