K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
