I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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