Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
