i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
