the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I lost the right to judge tonight
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
