sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
