i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
