I can text with my tongue
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
