My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
