They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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